The story of the paths we've taken and how each one results in a new "timeline" (for all you Community fans out there), if you will, does not start at the first major decision that we made as an adult of our own free will. This is not a blog about all the little moves, like whether we drove through a yellow light or stopped at it and how that affected our day. Those little moves can have huge affects on your life as well, but if I were to discuss every little move or path I've taken in my life we'd be here all night. But my story begins, not when I was born, but way before that. There's the obvious, if my parents had never met, I wouldn't be here today. But everything seems to come back to Christianity, in my life and how that's affected me, changed me, and lead me in a direction or path for my life. I'm not sure who exactly took my mom to church back in High school, but a girl did and since my mom wasn't raised in church, this put her on a brand new path for her life, one where church, specifically church attendance, played a huge role for her. She met my Dad in an apartment complex pool party where they both lived. She was 25. They married days before she turned 26 and had me almost exactly a year later when she was 27, the day of her birthday in fact. My mom wanted her children to be raised in the church, so my Dad went along with it, and they did. My Dad became a Christian shortly after I was born. Thus started THE path of my life. If my mom never met that friend that took her to church, then she wouldn't have cared if her and my dad went to church when they got married. And if they didn't go to church in Austin, they most certainly wouldn't have gone when they moved to Richardson. I grew up in the Baptist church here. Now hang with me here as this will go fast and be a lot of "ifs" and "wouldn'ts." If I hadn't grown up at a Baptist church, I wouldn't have heard of Baylor and wanted to go there, as my pastor did and as my best friends were also going there as well. It is the biggest Baptist college around and known very well around church as "the college to go to." If I hadn't gone there, well too many things to count wouldn't have happened. But I'm leading up to a point. If I didn't go to Baylor, I would have never met the girl that made me fall in love with Colorado, simply because she was from there and she is the most amazing person I had ever met in my life. My love of Colorado sprung without ever having stepped foot on their soil. And if I had never gone to Colorado, specifically Colorado Springs (which was due to another friend at Baylor having family friends live there with whom I could crash with), then I would never have met my best friend Bekah. Who has been the greatest friend I've ever had. And who had my godson Sky, whose love for me and constant asking for me and wanting to watch my videos, and saying daily "aunt sissy coming birthday" whenever you ask him when his birthday is, well, without him and his love that is extra special since he is almost 3 and doesn't understand how to be "fake" and pretend to like people yet...I think my life would have far less meaning, if he wasn't in it. I think this is what parents feel like, with their own children. Just the purpose and love they bring to their life. He may not be my flesh and blood, but we have a connection and are alike in so many ways, he feels like a son to me. I love him as if he was my own. I've worked with a ton of babies over the past 10 years, professionally, and then about 10 years prior to that, in a babysitting, and with church kids kind of way, but with Sky it's way different. We just have a bond. He's the best. And I know he feels the same way, as I have heard on video many times "sissy's the best! she's the best!"
It might have been possible to go to a different college, and have the same degree that would get me the same job, which is where I met my bestie, but why would I have moved to Colorado? Or the Springs specifically? It was definitely out of my comfort zone to move away from where my family is, just because that's comfortable and all I knew. It was all because of Baylor, because of my church, because my parents became Christians and wanted to raise me in a church. Christianity is the link to every path I've taken. A lot of people who are gay do not like the church, or find Christians to be judging and not accepting and even hateful, and I get that, many have proven to be that way, but not all are. I didn't grow up knowing anything about people who were gay. I hadn't heard of anyone who was gay until Ellen came out. I hadn't heard anything on the topic being preached at my church, unless I wasn't listening, which is a possibility as I wrote notes to my friends during a lot of services. But I think my ears would've perked up, as it would've been pretty racy stuff for church! "Gay" was never on my radar back then in the 90s. It's not like now, where it's everywhere and even on a show aimed at teens. So, coming out hasn't affected me and God at all. We are still where we've been for awhile, that didn't affect my relationship, like it has so many others. They grew up in a church that shunned them or people like them, so coming out was terrifying and impossible, and if I thought I was going to Hell for being attracted to girls, well, I would hate God too. I know that God loves people who are gay, as he made them that way and they cannot be changed or cured. I've never understood what the big deal was. Love is love; I've always said. Kind of gotten off on a tangent here... I'm glad Christianity has been the template for my whole life. I'm not embarrassed to say I'm a Christian. I'm not embarrassed to say that God loves people of all sexual orientations, and they are going to heaven if they've accepted Jesus in their hearts. They are not doing anything wrong by loving someone and being loved in return.
I guess I started out planning on writing about the paths we take and how every one we took (and not the other), has made us who we are today. But (as writing often does), I've discovered what my connection is on all my paths, Christianity, and somehow that's what I'm talking about. That's got to mean something bigger than I'm realizing at this moment. I know that I could never marry someone that wasn't a Christian, I know that for a fact. I'm not a perfect Christian by any means, and am currently not being relationally intent with God or have a place I call home in the Christian community (I'm working on that), but I still know that I couldn't be with someone that would've even consider God as part of their life, and ours, our paths and our future.
I wish I had a big sweeping ending. Maybe it's just that I am super happy to have been on the path that I have been on. I may not like that I'm still single and not understand why that is, when loving someone intently and purposefully, daily having someone in my life is all I've ever wanted. That and children. But I do have children. I've helped too many to count and my little buddy Sky and his baby brother Ryder. I am so extremely grateful for them. I am loved by many, and I know that, but I guess I thought I had to have my own child to feel that kind of love. I knew, when Sky was a baby, when he "kiss bit" my nose, which he had only done for his parents, that I was very special to him, and I will never take that for granted. If I could be in his life every day, I would in a heart beat. But in a way I still am, though videos, the phone and sending him cards and little things to remind him that his aunt sissy loves him. I am truly blessed and I wouldn't want to be on a different "timeline" where I never met Bekah, and with which I would've never known Sky-The greatest little boy in the world. *Ryder will take the spot of the greatest baby in the world ;o)
