All the couples who have met online in some way shape or fashion will disagree with me on this, but I kinda wish online dating didn't exist. I don't like it. I don't like that it's even an option, because it makes me feel like I have to at least give it a try. I have to look, otherwise you can't really say you've given "finding the one" a decent shot, if you haven't tried online yet. One of two things happen- the person either sounds good on paper and you meet them and there's just nothing there, or their picture just does nothing for you so you don't even give their profile a fair shot. They could be a really great person, but I will never know... cuz I am superficial I guess. Kidding. Well we all are to a certain point. I also just don't like knowing everything about a person before even meeting them. I'd rather get to know all of the fun stuff in person. Talk for hours with them and see all that we have in common, not already know it. I don't like the picture thing also for myself, because I'm sure girls do the same thing to me that I do to them. Don't give them a chance first. Not one single girl I have ever emailed on dating sites first has ever emailed me back. I've emailed back and forth with girls and met them in person, but they initiated it and since they were interested in me, I gave them a shot. Even though I wouldn't have been the one to email first. But the ones that I could tell from what they said, sounded interesting and cool, and were also pretty in some way or another, they wouldn't even respond once to me. What the fuck is that about? It just sucks. Why can't I have an attractive, pretty girl? Why do I always have to be the one to settle for whoever deems me worthy? I'm not emailing model type girls here, please, I wouldn't try for totally out of my league or anything, I'm not clueless. I keep saying online is not for me, but yet I find myself looking once again, and trying once again, because it's really really rough out there for single people. I don't know how anyone meets anyone outside of college. It's like a war zone. It's like a jungle or a corn maze where you're looking for one specific leaf or one specific ear of corn, I mean c'mon, you have a better chance of winning the lottery! And there's always that question hanging over my head like a dark cloud that follows you wherever you go-" but what if there's nobody out there for me? What if I'm just meant to be alone forever?" If this is true, then what the fuck am I doing? Why am I bothering? Why I am putting myself out there and trying and being disappointed or knocked down or rejected time and time again, for? What is the point? If it's just my lot in life to be single then I am wasting my time partaking in any of it. Even if I say well I'm looking for more friends. Ehh, I'm not really. Not that I have a lot; I don't really, especially since they all have significant others and families to spend almost all their waking hours with (and non-waking as well). But I'm not good at making friends with girls that are a possibility for dating. Because if you do that, then what happens is, they start dating someone and then you really don't get to be their friend anymore... at least that's how it's happened for me. So I'm listening to Spotify, some random station, and Jack Johnson comes on and sings "why must I always be waiting, waiting on you??" yes exactly. Why? It's like standing next to what you think is a bus stop sign, but you didn't look closely enough and in fact the sign says "duck crossing." Idiot. You're gonna be waiting a long long time. I'm so over online dating. Which I've said many times and somehow find my way back to it, and then I repeat the same mantra and the cycle starts again. What would be perfect and what only happens in movies is either a friend of mine sets me up with someone who, (because they know me so well and love me so much and want me to find happiness), ends up being a perfect match and the love of my life. Or I bump into someone and spill my papers and her coffee and our eyes meet and we are instantly attracted to each other and it's onward and upward from there. I don't think either one of those things is gonna happen. I literally know no one who that has happened for in real life reality world. It's a nice story though. At least I have my cat, though. Mollie loves me. I am her world,. I am everything to her and vice versa. She couldn't live without me, especially since she likes no one else but me. Even while typing this, she felt the need to leave her comfortable spot in the cupboard on my towel (yes my dry food and towels are in the same spot), and jump up on my bed, stand on my legs and sniff my tablet and then lay down at my feet, first attacking them and then starting her bathing ritual. Maybe I sometimes use Mollie as an excuse to not get out there in the physical world, but I do love staying at home and spending time with her. I do leave her all day for work all alone, and I always feel bad about that. She's not just a cat. She's my best friend, my baby and my love. That may make me sound like a "crazy cat lady" and you can think what you want. But a best friend is someone you spend a lot of face time with, being completely and totally yourself with. And a baby is someone you care for by meeting their needs like feeding them and cleaning them and providing for them financially and otherwise, who you also discipline but still love when they act out. And your "love," well that's self explanatory. You love them with all your heart and can't imagine your life without them. Call me crazy if you want, but everything I just described also applies to my Mollie. And she wants to be with me all the time. She has to be in whatever room I'm in, or at least see me from wherever she is at all times. Ok maybe that last part is a bit creepy, if your loved ones were always staring at you, I would say you might want to get them looked at by a professional ;o)
I'm not the best at conclusions. And as always I branch off onto something else, but I still hate online dating. That remands the same. But I guess if I stay home with Mollie a lot, it's my only option if I ever want to meet someone and fall in love. Even if I don't believe it'll work... I'm sure I'll find my way back on there again... at some point. But for now, my love is my Mollie. She's not a placeholder for the real thing. She is love. She is enough.
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