Garden State and Me.

Boredom has ensued tonight. And when I'm bored and then something has caused me to fall into a bit of a "numbness" stage, I go to my Garden State Soundtrack. This is THE best movie soundtrack of all time, no argument. It continues to be my #1 favorite movie, and that's saying a lot because I LOVE movies and most people change their top favorite depending on what new movie has come out, or what mood they are in that day. I love how it starts out with Coldplay. And old school Coldplay. The kind of angsty, slightly depressed sounding tone that can play into your sullen mood and give it words. I've just now listened to "Don't Panic" 5 times in a row. It's the song that gives life to my numbness moment. He says "we live in a beautiful world," but does it really sound like he means it? His almost monotone voice tells me he doesn't. Or maybe he's being sarcastic. He says "yeah we do, yeah we do," but  something tells me he doesn't believe they do. The best line however, is the last one..."cuz yeah everybody here's got somebody to lean on." Sure feels like that. Everybody but me. I've got Mollie, but she pushes my face away with her paw which tells me that she doesn't want my endless kisses...which I can't understand why! Ha!
I love this movie. Seriously. It came into my life when I was feeling just like Andrew Largeman. Numb to everything, just going through the motions, living life, but barely living. He was an actor who made everyone believe he was actually mentally challenged in real life, or whatever the word we are supposed to use nowadays; it seems to change everyday. At that point I was playing the part with the babies I work with- a sort of Barney/Mary Poppins character who had to be up up up or they might not respond to me. I rented this movie, watched it, and then bought it and the soundtrack, all in the same day. It was absolutely perfect in every way. It was right before I moved to Colorado, when my life was in stagnant water and not only was nothing changing, I was miserable and in a fake relationship that had "you know better than this and you deserve better" written all over it. It was doing more damage than I realized, and I desperately wanted to get outta dodge, but didn't know how. I was definitely stuck. I felt like Large. He didn't know how to feel, and it took going home and meeting the quirkier and beautiful Natalie Portman's character "Sam," to allow him to finally "feel" again, to cry again and to care about another human being and have that other human being care for him. I love how Sam just put it all out there. Sure she lies in the beginning, but quickly told the truth, and she also isn't afraid to make weird sounds that weren't any form of a language, when presented with an awkward moment. She wasn't ashamed to show him "tickle" her blanket, and have a funeral for a dead hamster named Jelly. It's funny I can still remember every detail of this movie and it's actually been awhile since I've seen it. But I did watch it a lot in the beginning and definitely a couple times every year since. I love how weird and random everyone is. From a "before big bang theory" Jim Parsons, in a medieval times full metal knight armor get-up, to weird Karl at the hardware store that tries to get them to invest in a pyramid scheme and says to Large- "I could've sworn you killed yourself. That wasn't you?" This movie is actually when I really fell in love with Natalie Portman. I had liked her in "Where the heart is," but strictly because they filmed part of it at Baylor, which I thought was way cool. I feel like she was playing herself in this movie, even though that's probably not how she was at the time in real life, I just like to think that, because I related to her quirkiness that is just so random. I loved her realness above anything. And I think it's pretty cool that we were born only 8 days apart. Seeing Garden State made me want to write a screenplay. As weird and meaningful as that one. It wasn't a blockbuster hit, but it meant more to me than any special effects, superhero, extravaganza out there. So many times I listened to Colin Hay's " I just don't think I'll ever get over you," and said yep. I totally get that. I was right there. I felt that way about my first love. But I did get over him, so it is possible, even when you're 100% sure it's not. The one scene I can't handle and wish wasn't in there, is when they are going on a little scavenger hunt for what ends up being his dead mother's necklace, that his old best friend stole off her body as he was one of the people that dug the grave and buried her. The scene takes them behind the walls of a hotel and people are watching prostitutes have sex with people. I have to fast forward through it. It's just too gross and uncalled for, but Zach Braff wanted it all I guess..porn included. I can't pick just one best scene. There are at least 3. One being when they are at the house of a guy that lives in a quarry and Large goes to the top of some excavating equipment and just screams as loud as he can, out into the quarry, wearing a trashbag as a raincoat. He finally lets it all out. No more passive, quiet, withdrawn and "keep everything inside" guy. He says "I'm pissed that my Dad blames me for my mother being in a wheelchair, even though I was a child and it was a freak accident." And "I don't want to live on these dozens of medications my psychiatrist father prescribed for me since that time, for whatever depression and anger he thought I had." It was doing more harm than good. He was seeing what it was like to live and to love and be whoever you are and feel however you feel in that moment. Just be, and not be afraid to feel sad or happy or mad or whatever. The scene in the pool is worth mentioning for the fact that I quoted that line many a time. When I made friends in Colorado that I thought felt at the time like a family to me; family when I was away from family, I told them about this line.  Large: "You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone"..."You'll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place." I fucking love that line. I would say to my friends: "maybe that's all a family really is- a group of people that miss the same imaginary place." Now all those people are married and have real families. But I'm still searching for that imaginary place. I love my house and my Mollie, but it is missing one person. I don't think I could fit more than that in this particular house.
The tub scene is also pivotal for Large, as he cries for the first time since he was a child. Talking about his mom and the significance of the necklace, they had been on a scavenger hunt to find, even though he had no idea it was missing. Sam sees the tears coming and saves them in a paper cup to which Large says he'd put them in a scrapbook, if he had one. The ending does have the typical " I realize now I can't leave you" moment and the big kiss. Large decides to stay and not go back to his humdrum actor life in L.A., but he leaves it open by saying "So what do we do?" And I love that that is how it ends. Because people's lives don't end with a kiss at an airport in some pivotal "I can't leave you" moment. It keeps going after that. And he asked a very good question. I don't spend time thinking what they did after that moment. It's a movie, and they are just characters. They didn't do anything. The movie ended. But after every big pivotal moment in my life, it didn't just end. I'm still alive, so the Earth continues to spin and I continue to live in it. I think I do a pretty good job. I don't toss out my morals or my beliefs, to follow the crowd. The crowds head to bars, and while that has nothing to do with morals or beliefs, I just don't like it or feel comfortable with it or being around it much, so I don't! I don't feel bad about that. Sure it doesn't get me invited to hang outs with certain friends most of the time, but that's life and I'm okay with that. I choose to be able to remember the fun times I have and have them sober. While they may look back and say I laughed a lot and I had so much fun, I can tell from experience as the sober one in the same place as them, that nothing was funny nor fun. It was all in their head. The alcohol makes everything seem funny or fun. But no judgement! As long as they're not driving or going home with someone that could murder or rape them, do what you want, I don't care! Hmm...how did I get on that topic?? Who knows, but it needed to be said.  Garden state has drugs and alcohol in it...but it's still my favorite movie...yes that's where I was going with that ;o)
So in conclusion. Garden state rocks. It's the bomb. If you're in your 20s, you'll probably like it. Maybe early 30s. I still love it, but I first saw it when I was 24, and it was a pivotal and perfect time in my life. Maybe it will be for you. Or maybe you won't get it and won't understand how someone could write a really long blog post about it. But my guess is, if you made it this far, then you already love Garden State. And you're thinking, man I need to go watch it again. Unfortunately they are not re-releasing it in 3D like every other movie ever made. Believe me, I wish! If Titanic can be released in 3D, with nothing 3D about it, then so can Garden State. I would pay full price to see it. But don't hold your breath. I think there's a better chance of The Notebook coming out in 3D, than Garden State. And I wouldn't see The Notebook for free. ;o)