Sunday, December 20, 2015

the dream that turned into a short story

I don't usually share my fictional stories I write. I talk about them, but I don't share them. This started out as a dream, and turned into a story I made up, a little too easily ;o)

I awoke from a dream. I had moved to California or I was there visiting, I wasn’t sure which. I was at some kind of rally or speech or event that Amy Poehler and Tina Fey were speaking at, and when it was over, the people I had come with, all piled in the car to leave and there was no room for me so I said that I would walk. I didn’t know where I was going, I wandered the streets, tons of people all around but I never asked any one of them for directions. Then I came across Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein (the masterminds behind the show Portlandia) and they were sitting in an old timey car. It had no roof. And they were talking to the driver about where they wanted to go. I went up to ask for directions. I think this was when I woke up. But I always like to carry on the dream further. Take it to where I wanted it to go. I played it cool but I knew who they were. I said I was new to the area and lost. She told me I looked familiar. I shrugged it off, because how would she know me? Except I had written that book. The one I’ve written about the teen girls who fall in love. In reality I hadn’t even decided yet on a title for the book, but in this case, it was called “There’s something about girls.” She asked what I was doing in L.A. and I said I was visiting because there were talks about making my book into a movie. And that’s when it hit Carrie, “I know you! I remember your picture from the back of your book! You wrote ‘There’s something about girls!!’” I nodded and smiled sheepishly. I hadn’t been recognized by anyone yet and the first person to recognize me was a famous person?? That was insane. “I love your book! Fred! This is the author of that book I was telling you about!” She said as she turned to Fred and slapped him playfully on the shoulder to make sure he was paying attention. He smiled and nodded and offered his hand. “Nice to meet you” he said. I returned the gesture. “I’m Carrie,” she said as she offered her hand too. I chuckled. “I know who y’all are. I love Portlandia. I’ve watched it since the very beginning. And I just loved you as Syd on Transparent” I grinned, blushing. “Thank you Christie, that means a lot. I love playing her,” she added.  I continued, “That show is one of my favorites. It’s written SO well. I just love everything about it. I love the rawness and the honesty. That’s how I write.” “Well yeah you do!” Carrie interrupted. “Your book is written from such an honest place. I love how it goes into your teenage mind and describes every feeling, every experience. It’s SO detailed. Didn’t I tell you that, Fred?” Carrie said turning to Fred again, pushing on him again. Fred just nodded and smiled. I could tell that he liked to watch the transition that was going between us, and he didn’t seem to be bothered by being left out of the conversation. I thought I noticed a tiny smile creep up on the side of his face. Like he knew something. Like he was watching magic happen. Like he was happy to be witnessing our “meet cute.” I looked at him questioningly for a split second and then back to Carrie. She was staring at me smiling and no one said anything. “Get in get in” she suddenly said, quickly and excitedly, as she scooted towards Fred in the backseat while the driver sat in the front. I came over to the side by Carrie as she pushed open the door for me, leaning far to make sure it was open all the way, which for some reason felt very “courtship-like” to me, and I blushed even more. I climbed in. It was a tight fit. Carrie and Fred were used to spending a lot of time together, so them squishing together was no big deal, but for me and Carrie… when my leg pushed up against hers, I swear I felt electricity. I even jumped a little bit. “Where to?” the driver asked. Fred and Carrie both looked at me and I suddenly forgot the name of the hotel I was staying in. “Umm…” I said staring blankly. Luckily Fred didn’t let me “umm” for too long, and said some name of some street I had never heard of. Carrie turned and grinned at Fred. She clearly knew where they were going. “We’re going to take you somewhere every tourist has to go to.” I blurted out, “I hope it’s not the Hollywood Walk of Fame, because I was already taken there against my will, and it was so crowded, I about suffocated.” They both chuckled at me. “No, you don’t have to worry about THAT where we are going,” Fred said. It was quiet for a second and then Carrie spoke up, she looked a little nervous at what she was about to say. I didn’t know why. Why would she be nervous to talk to me? It should be the other way around. “Umm..” she started. “Can I ask you something?” “Sure,” I answered back slowly. “So I read in an article that when you wrote the book, even though the main girl is you, it’s a fictional story about your life and in fact you hadn’t even been with a woman or even kissed one, at that point.” She stopped and looked at me. I glanced around at Fred who was texting on his phone but still smiling. “Umm…yeah, that’s true” I replied back. I could tell what Carrie wanted to ask me but she was scared to. “You can ask me what you’re going to ask me.” I said slyly, a smile creeping up on my face. “So, my question is…has that changed at all?” she looked at me hopeful. But I wasn’t sure which side she was hopeful for. That I had kissed a girl and liked it or that I hadn’t and had been waiting for the right girl? For her. I stared at her trying to read her face, not responding yet. She got self-conscious and suddenly withdrew her statement. “If that’s too personal, you don’t have to answer. I’m sorry. That was way too invading.” She said as she shook her head and pretended to erase what she had just asked with her hands. “No. No it’s not that,” I said quickly. “You’ve read my book. I’m not afraid to be too personal. The way I wrote Christie, that was me, my personality, my shy awkward ways. That’s all me. That wasn’t my exact family and I didn’t grow up in Pennsylvania and of course there’s the fact that I didn’t know that I was gay at age 15. Although I wish I had…” I drifted off. “I’ll be honest with you, even if it isn’t what you want to hear.” She nodded back. Even Fred stopped texting to look up. “Umm, well no actually. I still haven’t…” I said quietly, drifting off. “Not because I don’t want to,” I added quickly and loudly. “Once the book came out, like with anyone who has had a taste of ‘being famous’ or whatever,” I said with air quotes. “Not that I really was or am, I just mean my book got some coverage. I got to be on Ellen, which was one of the highlights, like very very high up there on the list of my life. But yeah people came out of the woodworks and yeah suddenly I was visible…to women…and even some men, who thought they could switch me.” All 3 of us laughed. “For years before the book I had tried to meet women, I tried to connect with someone, but it just was never there. And then suddenly women wanted me for the first time in my life. I wasn’t the invisible girl I always was…but it never felt right with any of them. I felt like they only wanted to talk to me so they could talk to someone who was ‘famous’ or something. They wanted to be ‘my first,’ and I didn’t like the feeling I got from that. I wanted it to be the right person. And special…” I drifted off again and looked up for the first time, realizing I hadn’t been looking at either one of them as I spoke. Fred was still smiling and looking as happy as ever. And Carrie looked hopeful, but I still asked shyly, “Is that what you wanted to hear?” Carrie didn’t answer so Fred did for her, “Yes!” he said emphatically, as he gestured with his hands in a very Fred-like way. Carrie playfully nudged him with her arm and gave him a look like don’t embarrass me. Suddenly I looked out and saw where we were. We pulled into a parking lot at the base of a large hill, or mountain, not sure which. “Wait. Are we where I think we are?” I asked excitedly as I got out of the car. “Yep! The Hollywood sign” Carrie said as she followed me out of the car. “Awesome!” I said excitedly. “How did you know I wanted to see this?” Carrie answered back, “Well, I mean everyone does, but I had a feeling you were the type that liked to be away from the crowds and I knew you liked the outdoors and mountains, well the you in your book did, which I figured was the real you.” “Oh totally,” I started to say as Fred went around to talk to the driver and Carrie and I started to walk towards the entrance to the hill. “I lived in Colorado for a couple of years,” I added. “Really?” Carrie asked, very much interested in my life. “Yeah, and I actually considered moving to Portland at one point,” I said chuckling. She laughed back. “Yeah we really surged their population,” she said half-jokingly. “Well I was more considering Seattle or somewhere outside of the city. I wanted to be by mountains and the ocean. Portland doesn’t really have mountains.” “Well here you go,” Carrie said as she motioned out with her hands. “Cali has mountains and the ocean.” “Yeah I don’t know if I could ever live in L.A.” “Really? Why not?” “Well…” I started. But she finished it for me. “Is it ‘cause it’s fake and materialistic and everyone looks like they either had plastic surgery or will at some point?” She grinned and I chuckled back. “Yeah something like that.” “Well Fred and I are only here to meet up with some friends this week. You know I’m from Seattle, right?” She added. “Really?” I asked. “I had no idea.” “Yep born and raised.” We were talking about how great mountains were and comparing places we’ve lived, when Fred walked up. “I got the blanket and the hot tea” he said as he held it up for me to see. “It’s not THAT cold” I joked. “Oh just wait till we get to the top and the sun has gone down. You’ll be wanting it then,” he added. As we walked up the hill, the 3 of us gabbed on about life and movies and music. “Sorry I haven’t heard your band, Carrie” I said apologetically. “No no no, don’t worry about it. I like it better when I meet someone who doesn’t know everything about me. It keeps the mystery alive. Plus I don’t need a groupie.” “You wish you had a groupie” Fred joked with her. “You guys are really best friends aren’t you?” I said admiring them and a little jealous. “Yep,” Fred replied quickly. “Well…” Carrie started playfully. “I didn’t tell you this, but I’ve been cheating on you with this other guy Mike…” “Mike? Mike who? Little Mikey from the cereal box?” he teased back. They joked back and forth for another minute or 2 while I laughed and watched them. “Wow.” I said as I stopped. “Look at that sunset.” They stopped as well and we all admired the sunset over the city of Los Angeles. “The city of angels…” Fred said in fake awe, as if he was adding something big and meaningful in the moment. “You’re such a dork,” Carrie added as she walked away, motioning with her hand for me to join her. I cracked up at them and followed her, while Fred just stared at the sunset, oblivious to Carrie’s statement. I could tell they had a great relationship. We sat down for a break, our feet dangling over the edge. Not a complete drop, just where there was a rock to sit on and the side of a hill to tumble down...but hopefully not. “Hey I wanted to say something about what you said earlier in the car,” Carrie spoke up. My heart started beating out of my chest. Why was it doing that? Was I expecting her to say something good or bad? “I think it’s really cool of you to wait till you meet the right person. Someone you truly connect with and who likes you for you and not for what you could do for them. Like you’re some kind of link to that world or something. The world of ‘famous people.’” She did the air quotes as well. “Thanks” I said with a grin as I reverted back to my shy, quiet state that I’m in a lot of the time. “But also, you should not be afraid to get out there and to go for it, when it feels right with someone. Sometimes you just gotta leap.” This time I was watching her speak the whole time. I didn’t take my eyes off her. It felt so surreal. Her talking to me, this whole day in fact. I’ve been having a lot of that over the past 6 months, but this felt different than all that stuff with the book. I stared into her eyes and she stared back. I think she liked me. Like really liked me. I was totally into her, but I wasn’t going to make the first move. She looked down at my hand and took it in hers. “Is this ok?” she asked. I nodded back emphatically. She brought it to her mouth and gave it a quick peck. I lightly gasped, but not in a shocked way. It was more of a shudder. It felt so right. All this felt right. We were both silent as she held my hand in hers and we continued to stare at each other until we heard Fred’s voice. “Hey girls can we keep it moving so we can get to the top before it gets dark?” I leapt up and Carrie got up and brushed the dirt from her pants. Then she stuck her hand out next to me. “Ready to get to the top?” I smiled and nodded as I took the hand that she offered. We walked hand in hand back to Fred as he “Awww-ed” at us like we were adorable puppies. Carrie said deadpan “Shut up” as we kept walking. I looked over at her. I could tell that was just her humor. I somehow knew that’s just who she was. “You guys are so cute!” Fred continued to push it, as he called out from behind us. Carrie used her free hand to give him the finger, which he got a nice look at, walking behind us. I chuckled at them. I loved their playful banter and wanted to be a part of whatever this was. They had years on me though. This was just the beginning. Well at least I hoped it was the beginning of something. We made it to the top quickly after that. It was blocked off from getting too close to the letters. “We can’t go up to the letters?” I asked disappointed. “No, not unless you’re filming a movie” Fred responded. “Poop” I said, disappointed. Carrie laughed at my silly PG cussing. “But it looks neat, though” I added, as I smiled at them both. “Thank you so much for bringing me here.” By this point the sun was really down and it was getting chilly. I shivered and Fred threw the blanket at Carrie as she caught it. “Here, let’s go sit down” she said as she wrapped it around me and I felt her hands rub up and down the sides of my arms. I shivered again, but not because I was cold, but because I felt something stir inside. I looked up to see if I could see a star to wish on tonight…but saw nothing. Too many city lights. So I made the wish in my head…that tonight would be the night I would finally get kissed. We sat down overlooking the city. It was getting darker and the lights were noticeable on all the buildings in the city. It was a large blanket so we all 3 squished together under it, Carrie in the middle of course. We passed the one cup of hot tea in the thermos they brought, back and forth till it was gone. I glanced over at Carrie, almost too scared to look at her, since she was so close to me and ended up blurting out, “You’re so beautiful.” I quickly looked back out at the light covered city below, wishing I hadn’t said that. It was silent for probably 2 seconds, which felt like a full minute when Fred added, “Eh…I’ve seen better.” I burst out laughing and looked over at them as Carrie shoved him with her shoulder so hard that he fell out of the blanket we were wrapped in. He got up and said something about seeing a man about a tree, which I assumed meant he needed to pee…or he just wanted to give us some privacy. He was such a sweet friend. Carrie looked at me and replied, “You’re beautiful too.” My instinct was to shake my head no, which I started to do but decided to turn that into a “Thanks, Carrie.” I looked into her eyes. There was still enough light that I could see her face and her, mine. I hoped that her eyes saw my eyes begging and pleading with her to make a move, because I was too scared to. Her hand went to brush the hair out of my face and then she brought my face into hers, guiding my chin with her hands and started to kiss me! My first kiss! Her eyes were closed so I quickly followed suite. At first I let her do all the work but then instinct and memory from far too many years ago to mention, kicked in and I kissed her back. I kissed her good and hard. I even snuck in a little tongue, once I got braved enough, which she thankfully reciprocated. When we pulled apart, presumably to catch our breaths, we looked into each other’s eyes. Like I was in some damn romance movie, I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. I was hoping she didn’t see it, but she did. She grinned at me and wiped it away from my face with her thumb. There was silence and I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to thank her, but that sounded too weird to say out loud, so I waited for her to speak up. “You’re really good at kissing girls. You sure you’ve never done that before?” she teased. I broke out into a big smile and shook my head. “Nope. You’re my first." “Good,” she answered back, as she went in for more.

And that’s the story of what could’ve happened…if my dream had been allowed to finish itself.

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