I've written love letters to whoever I marry, since I was 16 years old. This one is...uhh...different.
Letter to my love continued…
You really suck, ya know it?? You better have a good
explanation as to why you aren’t here with me now. Why is it July 5, 2016 and
you still aren’t fucking here??!!! Where the fuck were you at my little sister’s
wedding over a year ago?? I told you to be there with me! And I wrote that
whole Niagara falls story about meeting you in May of last year right before I left,
and you didn’t fucking meet me there?? So where were you june 6, 2015 and where
were you in May 12-15, 2015?? You better have a good excuse! Because I am super
pissed that you weren’t there. I’ve been waiting for you forever. Where the
fuck are you? Why are you doing this to me? If you are out there dating some
girl, break up with her so that we can meet! For the love of God, please!!! You
have no idea how much I am hurting. How much I am dying inside. I can’t take it
much longer. What is wrong with me that no one will love me? What’s wrong with
me that no one will take the time to get to know me? Why no one connects with
me?? Why am I so unlovable?? Why? I’m smart. I help babies. I help moms
struggling with their babies. I am not ugly. I have a kind heart. I love
animals and would never harm them. I love my friends and would do anything for
my best friend and her 3 boys and 1 girl on the way. I would give
them my freaking kidney if they needed it! I love them so much. Why can’t I have
love too? Why can’t I have physical love that only a girl that loves girls too,
can give me? Why do I have to be alone so much of the time? My life is wasting
away. I just turned 35. Everything is crashing down. I probably will never have
my own kid, how can I? My eggs will have turned bad or have left the building. I
am so sick of being alone. Where are you? I love you so much. I will take care
of you and love you and be there for you in sickness and health, but I can’t BE
there for you, if you aren’t HERE with me. I can’t be with someone who doesn’t
exist. I can’t be with someone won’t appear. God. I’m so mad you aren’t here
yet. Don’t you know how much I would love you? You will never have to be alone.
You will never have to be unloved. You will never have to go to bed without my
arms to hold you and my lips to kiss you goodnight. You won’t have to do any of
it without me. I will always be there for you. I will never leave you. If you
don’t leave me. But you have to show up first.
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