Cuddle Party

The weirdest thing about a Cuddle Party, is that it's not weird at all. Not when it's done right, meaning it's led by professionals that teach in a very "workshop/seminar" way, what the rules are during the set aside "cuddle time" of the night. Also the other factor most needed to make this event NOT weird you out: having the right kind of people attending it.
Yesterday I attended my first "Cuddle Party." This is a real thing, I'm not making it up. It's been in my city for 2 years now and apparently really big in Portland (not surprising at all), which is where I believe it started. Yesterday afternoon I was feeling adventurous and like I could be social tonight, it was Saturday night for crying out loud. Usually though I would choose to stay in with my cat and binge watch some show over being around people I don't know. But I decided to see what was on the schedule for Saturday on the meet up website. I scrolled down looking at all the meet-up groups having events in my area on Saturday, particularly in the evening, when I came across something called a "Cuddle Party." I had never heard of it in my life, didn't know it existed, didn't know it was a real thing. I was skeptical but also very much intrigued. What I've wanted for so long is just to be touched, to be held. To connect with another human being on that level. I get maybe one hug a week, if I'm lucky, most times it's no hugs a week. I just don't have anyone in my daily life to provide that for me, so I survive without it. I get massages literally so I can be touched by another human being. But this didn't cost 60 bucks, it cost 10. I signed up immediately, 5 hours before it was to begin. I had no idea really what I was going into. I was curious though, and I thought "well, if anything it was only 10 bucks and at least I can say I tried something new." I figured at the very least it would be a story I could add to my collection of social disasters and weird encounters on this journey of endless singleness I appear to be on. It ended up being an experience I don't even know if I can fully explain clearly. You'd have to have been there. It was unlike anything I've ever experienced in my life. I'm not even sure I've even experienced it with the 2 guys I've dated, at least not for that long amount of time and doing all that particular touching. It was a mixture of men and women, probably half and half. The first 40 minutes was like a seminar on how to express yourself with what makes you comfortable and what doesn't. We practiced saying "no" when you don't want that person to touch you, and "thank you for taking care of yourself," when you are told no by someone else. Because we all know rejection is harder than anything else when it comes to asking for something that we need deep down at our core and that makes us highly vulnerable. It was a great practice and they made it feel like I was at a workshop on communication and boundaries and not as some weird 70s key party. It SO wasn't that. The main rules are "clothes must stay on at all times" and "you must ask the other person before you do anything," and I mean anything. You ask to touch their arm, if you're going to move it to their back, you ask for that as well. Luckily there were many that were leaders or leaders in training, to help it get going once the "free time" for cuddling began. I know this all sounds weird but if you were there and you were open and around people as open as you, you wouldn't be weirded out at all. You didn't have to participate. They didn't force you. You could take a nap, stay on the couch and not touch a single person. I went to the bathroom right before it was to began and came back to a cuddle train going on. Everyone made it easier by just talking. Talking about anything and everything. Their head may have been leaning against someone's stomach or someone might have been stroking someone's arm, but it was natural, it was chill. There was music playing. And it didn't feel like I was apart of some hippie commune. No one had been drinking, it was a no-alcohol event, and everyone's clothes stayed on. I found myself at the end of the cuddle train next to a guy. He was a nice guy, a gentle guy. I'm not going to describe him to obviously protect his anonymity. But what started as me just joining what everyone else was doing- my head on his stomach, turned into back massage and light arm touch. Nothing about it was sexual. It wasn't meant to be. I didn't have feelings for him. Oddly enough I didn't even gain feelings for him after being given this affection in this way for so long. But I also didn't feel used. I know that must sound weird and like I should feel that way, but I didn't. I still don't today. It was this experience that is unlike "cuddling" with someone you're in love with, but you also don't feel uncomfortable about it. If you did, you could stop and go to someone else. You could always stop. No feelings were to be hurt. We talked at length about this in the seminar. I think because there were leaders and rules and boundaries and parameters set, a time table set as when it was to end; it made it feel safe. I felt very safe. It wasn't in some creepy guys basement. No one there felt creepy. It was really just about people connecting and meeting this need we all have for human touch. Especially in a world that is all too much about digital communication, not physical communication. I don't know if I got lucky with getting this guy in particular or what. It was his first time too. I don't know if I just got matched by fate to someone who was open and easy going and just kind and gentle, like myself, or what, but it was the perfect person for me. I couldn't even ask for more. I held some other guys hand briefly since it was out there and the way I was positioned on the floor and I ran my hair through some lady's hair, because she was right there as well and it was soft and fluffy and I liked it, but other than that it was just the one day. I can't even begin to tell you how not weird it was, but it wasn't at all! And I'm just as shocked as you by that statement! Connecting with someone in a safe environment, with rules, and with someone with the same spirit as you, I mean what more could you ask for? (Well besides an actual significant other of course). Granted I wasn't full out spooning him or looking into his eyes, but I didn't need to. Don't think on it too hard, people. If you're missing out on human touch, a "Cuddle Party" is the safest place you're gonna get it. Like I said, it wasn't sexual, I'm still gay, but I think I enjoyed touching him in appropriate ways and places, just as much as I enjoyed being touched. The head massage and the lightly touching my stomach (over my shirt of course), was the best part. I know for a fact that no one in my entire life has caressed my stomach so gently for that long, or even at all I don't think. That was literally a first. Massage therapists don't go for the stomach. I liked it. It was relaxing, it was comforting. The whole experience was like a spiritual one for me. I feel connected and alive unlike I ever have before. I feel like I could handle anything right now. My body is at peace. My mind is at peace.
By the end I was completely out of it. It's like I had entered another dimension. I was totally disoriented, but in a good way. I felt exhausted, in a good way. I was chasing such high levels of oxytocin that my body wasn't quite sure how to react to it. I somehow made it home. Today I am still tired, but it's a good tired. I feel taken care of. For someone who has spent so many years feeling that almost pain that comes from NOT being touched. Feeling like you might just break down and lose it, you just need someone to hold you. Well, even though I wasn't fully held like I would be if I was dating the person doing the holding, it was a very close second. Plus I don't think most couples cuddle for over 2 1/2 hours, at least not in this way. They maybe watch TV while the other one holds them or something. I don't know, I'm sure many couples do cuddle a lot, I definitely would be in one of those couples. I am definitely going to go to another Cuddle party. I feel like I'm good for awhile. To feel like your physical human contact quotient is met, is like a foreign concept to me. It's unheard of. That hasn't happened in almost 9 years. So for me to say "I'm good;" that's literally a miracle. I was a part of a miracle. It happened to me. I feel lucky to have found that event just hours before it was to happen, and for their to be tickets left and for me to have been just randomly (but not so randomly I guess) paired with the perfect person that was exactly like me in a lot of ways, including touch. It was amazing but at the same time felt like a dream. Did I really go to a cuddle party? My relaxed body says yes... yes I did.