If only there was a way to find your soul mate without going out and meeting people...sure if you're Indian or some other culture, your parents could set you up. Or maybe if you're friends would set you up with someone, like you've asked them a million times, you might find "the one" that way. Or there's mail order brides. I'm guessing that's a real thing, I haven't done the research. But outside of that, you're on your own! It's annoying, really, when so many of your friends met their husbands at 19 at college, where there was a plethora of men...unless you went to Baylor like me and the girls out numbered the boys 10 to 1. But all of my friends that went to Baylor are married...and most met them there, so...I guess THEY beat those odds! The rest of us are thrown to the wolves in the dating world of Dallas, or some other big ass city.
I went to a meetup group on Friday. It was my first. It was a movie group at some guy's house with a movie room. I went expecting some older people, like in their 40s, I was prepared for that. But what I wasn't prepared for was everyone to be in their 60s. I felt like that little boy in Cocoon. Surrounded by geriatrics. I laughed when I left. What else could I do? I did stay the whole movie, though, through all the obvious questions asked by people who didn't understand Flashbacks. It was a depressing cult movie, and there was nudity, which was awesome with gramps and gran. I wish I could get those 2 hours back, especially since the movie was so bad. This rarely happens to me. I always pick movies that I think look really good and I'm always right. I actually didn't particularly want to see this particular movie, but I did want to meet some people, so...I took a shot. The next day was another movie meetup. I sat next to a nice Indian lady who was probably in her mid to late 30s, so much closer to my age, and she was really interested in my job, so that was at least something.
I'm trying to remember the last time I really enjoyed a group activity with strangers or even with people I know...but I'm drawing a blank. Especially if these friends I knew also had their significant other at said event. This sucks for me. Because it's more reminders that I'm alone, and I don't need that shoved in my face. I wish I could be "okay." I wish positive thinking worked, but it doesn't. Not all the time at least. I think some people are naturally positive, or they've faced certain death and overcome it, so everything else is a gift and overcoming singleness is like getting over a light cold to them. They don't get it either, because they haven't been single for 6 years, or even if they have, they have such a large community of friends or dates knocking down their door, that it's so easy to be "single" for them. I feel child-less, friend-less and mate-less. Of course I HAVE friends, but I either don't get to see them often because they don't live close enough or they're too busy enjoying their life with their mate, child, and other more important friends.
So what choice do I have but to go out and meet more new people?? More people to be my friends for awhile, until they meet "the one" and suddenly don't have time for me anymore. And so the cycle continues. I don't care that I'm complaining. It's not really for anyone to read, and if they have, I'm sure they have stopped reading by now anyway! I would've ;o) I guess I'm doomed to continue the cycle of trying events and groups and failing miserably. Because going in there with an open mind and positiveness, hasn't gotten me anywhere. And if I go in as a grump, I know no one will want to talk to me. I go in timid and shy, as my nature. But I smile and introduce myself. Don't know what else I can do. If I could have the same 5 friends and see them every weekend I would be the happiest girl in the world. But sadly my life isn't a sitcom like "Friends," or "Happy Endings." Instead, I take what I can get. That hour or so with a friend I hardly see...or text messages from my bestie who lives 7 hours away. They are more often than all the face time put together from my other friends, so it's definitely better than nothing!
I keep trying. I suck at talking in groups. My voice fades into the air like a whispering wind, but I try. I suck at coming up with things to talk about with people who aren't already my friends. I forget how I met my current friends...it feels like it was by accident. So maybe more accidents will come. Maybe someone will notice me, even though there's nothing that special about my looks to stand out at them. But maybe someday someone will say, "damn girl, those eyes!' like a boy in Colorado did once...of course we were already dating, so maybe that isn't the best example...lol...good times...
But until that day, when I meet someone who wants to talk to me longer than 5 minutes, I guess my choices are stand still and do nothing, or at least try by being places in the world. There's always a small chance that my luck will change. Maybe in 2013. It's an unlucky number to most. But my unluckiness is the the past 6 years, so maybe 13 will have the opposite affect on me. Maybe it'll be my lucky year! I'm hoping for that. And I could definitely use a little hope...
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