"I'm never changing who I am"

Whether you want it or not, when you share yourself with someone, when you share your heart, your struggles, the feelings that bring you down, you're bound to get "advice." You're bound to get "help" or "if onlys." I think at 31 years old, I am finally accepting ALL of who I am. My out of control hair, that's neither straight nor curly. My wallflower impressions whenever I'm in groups of people where I know no one, or maybe just one person. My crazy excitement and squeals for Glee and my dance moves that aren't ready for public eyes. I am who I am, and I'm never changing who I am. I love that song by Imagine Dragons. Partly because I love to do that stomp clap beat that's in it; but mostly because of that one line- "I'm never changing who I am." I can change what I do. I can change my mood sometimes, and how I act and behave. But who I am inside, those things I listed, and much much more, are who I am. I'm never going to be someone that enjoys talking to strangers. It's funny because I talk to new families and new kids every day, and that's pretty easy for me now. The first time I'm a little nervous still, just wondering what kind of parent I'm up against. One that will participate and is willing to work, one that is way too overbearing and neurotic, or one that could care less about any of it...But when it comes to groups, really more than 2 people, I'm lost. It's like I've forgotten how to talk to people sometimes. Reminds me of Phoebe meeting Mike's parents, in "Friends." She starts talking about her crazy life she's had and tells too much about it, and Phoebe says "I've never met anybody's parents before," with which Mike replies "but you have talked to humans before, right?"
I don't really feel that I make the best first impression. Now if there's a dog in the room, you better believe I'll make a stellar first impression with him/her. That dog and I are besties from the second we meet. I love dogs. They can see into your soul. They know who's good, they know who's bad. I think how you treat a dog and how a dog responds to you (one that hasn't been abused), is a testament to what kind of person you truly are.
I realize that maybe my chances go down at meeting a life long parter in crime till death do us part, if I'm being a homebody and even if I do go out, I'm not really talking to people, but anything could happen, really. My eyes are open and my heart is open. I have to still believe that someone too, will love me for who I am, and not only what they see on the outside or what they think about me after only giving me 2 minutes of their time. I take warming up to. I am more loyal to my current friends than a golden retriever, but cautious to make new ones until I know what I'm up against, who's in for the long haul, and who might flee the second they find their soulmate. I know a lot of people who enjoy talking to anyone and everyone. They love finding out their story, and that's great! More power to them! I'm glad they are out there. They need to be. I'm definitely willing to talk to people I don't know on occasion (thus how it's possible I currently have friends), but I may need an internal push from myself or a sign telling me I'm ready and there's a reason this person needs to be in my life in some way, shape, or form.
I guess I'm kind of being vague or I'm just talking about the obvious. But when it comes down to it, what I'm not going to change is all the little indescribable workings inside me that makeup who I am. I hate being told to change my mindset. I hate that I'm made to feel like there's something inside me, that makes me who I am, that I need to change, in order for someone else, to come into my life and walk alongside me, meaning that I'm "not ready" for a realationship. Only I know if I'm ready or not. I am completely OK with who I am inside. I don't need to change a thing. I try my best everyday, to believe that there is somebody out there that will want to be with me and love me for all the little things that makeup me and who I am! Because guess what? I will compromise and adapt for someone for sure when it comes to what we do or where we live, but who I am deep inside will never change. I am Christie. Hear me roar.